Saturday, April 11, 2009

On the Cusp

Lately, say, within the last couple of days, I have been thinking much more clearly. Why? No clear answer, but the reason doesn't matter. What matters is that I am thinking more clearly. To analyze this would be the death of it. Anyways, I feel like I am on the cusp of something big... a breakthrough in achieving balance in my life. 

Hear me. Balance. Not a static ideal point of balance, closely resembling something out of buddhism, but rather a forward moving state of homeostasis. Metaphors help us makes sense of things when the real thing we are trying to understand (or in this case articulate) has not the words to express it. This forward moving balance that I feel that I am nearing may be thought of like this: riding a balance board on a flat bed train car whose engine is chugging along at 40-50 mph. The train is beyond our sphere of control, but within our control lies our focus on the balance board below our feet. We focus on the train moving, we fall. We focus on the landscape rushing by in our periphery, those things out of our control, we fall. We focus on our balance underfoot, what is necessary to compensate for the movements of the train, we stay steady. The train is life beyond our control, the balance board, those things we have total control over - our thoughts, perceptions, actions. 

Alright, back to reality. The balance in my life is coming from my running side of life presently, which of course, like any aspect of our lives, affects all others in ways large and small. I am feeling at peace with changing things up - running less miles some weeks, more miles the next, taking time off, etc. It is so easy to become neurotic on the vein of mileage, pace, consistency, etc. A virtue of the balanced person is that they recognize lives forward movement while wholly focusing on keeping things in perspective, relationally linked and honest. Balance. Running for joy, running for fitness, health and love. These are the things that brought joy to my running. Operating like a machine, logging 120+ miles a week out of habit - and more and more often without joy - is no way to live. I will leave that sort of functioning to non-sensate mechanical devices. I am human. As a sensing, cognate biped who maintains control of himself I choose to live life in balance, running within my means as the rule and physical challenges to this order an exception to that rule. Balance.

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